It seems we have barely finished taking down the Christmas decorations, when in every store Valentines appear. And, although Valentines Day should be something to look forward to in the doldrums of the winter; for many women, Valentine's Day can bring us into the cold reality of defining us in terms of our relationships, or lack thereof.

Remember how in elementary school, you would spend days decorating that shoe box, writing out your cards and choosing the best card for that someone special, only to watch that someone special walk past your desk to give his someone special card to that too adorable, too sweet, teacher's pet little girl, who wouldn't have as much as given him the time of day. She would take the card and put it in her box with the other 15 "someone special" cards she got that day. By the end of the school day, the amount and size and shape of the cards we received defined us as popular…or not; in the right clique...or not; pretty...or not...and so on.

And somehow 20, 30, 40 years later, nothing has changed. Unless our current relationship is with our prince charming, soul mate; or we are the adult version of the "teacher's pet," Valentine's Day defines us as single, divorced, widowed; unhappily attached; sadly attached; in the wrong relationship with the wrong person; or living with the guy who just will never think to buy us flowers and candy, but he will get out car washed. No matter what, we will define ourselves in terms of our relationship on that day. This holiday can attack self-esteem, produce anxiety, create confusion over lifestyles and cause a sense of inadequacy for women who are normally intelligent, successful, self-confident and self-assured.

The whole reason for this is that we all have the need to be loved. And thanks to Cinderella and "Pretty Woman," Julia Roberts, we believe that romantic love is the ultimate form of love. And Valentine's Day is all about romantic love.

So how do you survive this if you are not currently in a romantically loving relationship? And for most women, that will be 87% of their adult life.

You can begin by focusing on who you love and who loves you. Even if this is your kid sister or your mom, you can be reassured that you are a lovable person. Hang out with your mom. Take your little sister shopping. Spend some time being grateful for who you are and what is special about you. These thoughts will reassure you and remind you of your self-worth while restoring your self esteem. Plan to spend February revisiting the goals you had set for yourself going into the new year. Concentrate on the things that are important to you. Do something special for yourself. Go to a spa, get a professional pedicure, or get a massage. Send Valentine's cards to everyone you know. You will feel good for doing it and they will feel great for receiving it. And for someone, this may be the only card they get. Write on each card, "For Someone Special." Prepare your favorite dinner, have a glass of wine and watch the movie "Waiting to Exhale," by yourself. You will see all romantic relationships in a different light. Use this month to become the kind of person you would love or the person you love to be.

Single Steps Strategies wishes you a Happy Valentine's Day, for you are "someone special." You are on life's journey...and it all begins with a single step.

-- Mary Grace Musuneggi is the Senior Partner of The Musuneggi Financial Group, a financial consulting firm, and Executive Director of Single Steps Strategies, a life planning program for women.