Dear Double Take,

Please help me! I'm in a real pickle. I got engaged to my girlfriend last November, and we just moved out of our apartment and into our new home. Well, I moved into the house; and she moved back home with her parents. She doesn't want us to live together in the home until after the wedding in August (even though we've been living together for over a year).

None of that's the problem.

The real problem is that I want to get a dog ASAP, and she wants to wait until after we're married. My side of the argument is that the reason I wanted to get a home now instead of after the wedding was to get a dog. And (at the risk of sounding like a wimp) a dog will help me get over living by myself for the first time ever. Yes, I'm lonely. And yes, bumps in the night are kind of freaking me out.

My fiancée is afraid that if we get a dog now, it won't like her when she moves him. She wants it to be "our" dog; not "my" dog.

We've talked about all this 100 times. I've suggested getting two dogs: one now, one later. But she shot that down. I agreed to get the kind of dog she wants. But she won't budge!

What should I do? (Does she ALREADY wear the pants in the family or what?!) Help me out. And fast! I think I just heard the floor creak in the other room ...

ALANA SAYS:
Ah, the doggie dilemma. What to do? Hey, at least she agreed to get a dog at all -- I probably wouldn't. No animals in the house for me, please. But that's why you're marrying a dog lover like yourself.

Have you told your fiancée the real reason why you want a dog -- that you're lonely? That might melt her heart a little. Come on, you're going to marry this woman. You can tell her the truth about this one -- especially if it'll work in your favor. Assure her that the dog will love her and see her all the time. Isn't she around most of the time anyway?

If you've already divulged the real story, you could always just buy a dog -- but I wouldn't advise it. She'd be really upset that you did it without her agreement. Besides, wouldn't she want to help pick it out?

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But if she still won't budge, just let it go. A puppy isn't supposed to come between people like this. Suck it up a few more months on your own and then you'll be one happy family -- pooch and all.

EDDIE SAYS:
No woman should come between a man and his God-given right to enslave an animal.

Oh wait, that was the PETA-approved response. Here's what I really think.

How irrational is this woman? For the love of Pete, she wants to have her (beef)cake and eat it too! Surely it won't be long before you'll be asking her permission to purchase boxer shorts, wash and wax the car, and change your brand of deodorant.

Here's what I say you should do: Tell her again that you want to dog because you're lonely. If she still won't budge, then tell her you're getting a roommate to keep you company and defray those nasty wedding expenses, and you're thinking that hot little intern in Marketing would be a darn good candidate.

You'll be en route to the Humane Society in no time.

Dear Double Take,


Here's my situation. I met this guy at work. I had just gotten out of a terrible relationship and he knew about what I had gone through. Well, he was very nice and sweet and he fell in love with me. There was nothing he wouldn't do for me.

Eventually I fell in love with him also. I couldn't get him out of my sight. He was so loving and affectionate. I was 30, separated for two years with four children. He was 27 with one son. He said that age didn't mean anything and the kids wouldn't affect our relationship.

Finally I met his parents, and a couple of weeks after that he broke up with me. He said that he wasn't happy. So he started dating someone else, but he still wants to come see me and calls me. This has been going on for almost two years now. Do you think there's a possibility that he still cares for me? I would like an opinion from someone other than friends.

EDDIE SAYS:
When you say he still wants to come see you and call you, what exactly does that entail? Is he just being friendly, talking about the kids' school activities and the weather and the boss' new hairdo and the coversheets on the TPS reports?

Or is he acting like somebody who's in love with you?

Because if it's the latter, he's leading you on. It just doesn't add up -- he's dating somebody else, but keeping you on the back-burner in case his current relationship falls through. If you're OK being his fallback gal, hey, who am I to tell you to cut him off?

But if you sense what I sense, be clear with him that your friendship is not as important as your self-esteem, and keep him at arm's length until you know where this is going.

ALANA SAYS:
Now, now -- let's not jump to conclusions. Of course he still cares about you -- otherwise he wouldn't bother to call and come over. But maybe he is just trying to retain the friendship you've had for so long.

Of course, if you still care so deeply about him and can't tell exactly where he's coming from, he's not doing it quite properly.

There's nothing wrong with staying friends with the guy -- or for him wanting to stay friends with you -- but you need to know where you stand. My guess is that this man has no real intentions.

Quite simply, you need to talk to this guy. Ask him what his deal is. He'll either say he has feelings for you (which I wouldn't bet on), or he'll say he cares for you as a friend -- and then it's up to you whether you can handle that.

Do you need a second -- and third -- opinion about a problem in your life? Ask Double Take and you'll get two points of view, one from Eddie, a married family man in his 30s, and one from Alana, a single woman in her 20s.

E-mail questions to doubletake@ibsys.com. A new column is published every Wednesday.

Double Take writers are not trained psychologists and their responses should not be taken as a substitute for professional advice. Double Take reserves the right to edit submissions.

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