I almost didn't write this column. After the weirdness of Halloween, followed closely by the all-out assault of wackiness that is Election Day, my little menu board of misfits just seemed pale and paltry.

But we must soldier on, and we shall. I'm sure that somewhere in this week's selections, some shining gem of oddity will wink out at you and convince you that my effort was a worthy one.

Or, at the very least, it'll get my editor off my back. Missed deadlines make her cranky, and when she gets cranky she tends to use my large, hairy skull for target practice for a variety of heavy objects.

Glowing With Health

Bill Jenness, of Whitman, Mass., took his cat, Mitzi, to the veterinarian to have her treated for hyperthyroidism. Part of the treatment involved an injection of radioiodine, which rendered the feline and its droppings radioactive.

Bill's vet had advised him to flush any litter scoopings down the toilet until Mitzi stopped glowing, but he feared for the health of his septic system and thus tossed them in the trash. The radioactivity in the doody set off detectors at the local waste incinerator and, in a feat of detective work unrivalled in the annals of trash collection, workers traced the glowing goobers back to Bill.

He'll have to pay a fine, and has told a Boston paper that he feels he was not mistreated.

This is the ultimate cat's revenge. "Take me to the vet? Fine. Enjoy paying for it."

And how unlucky is Bill? If I were him, I think I'd start buying lottery tickets. He's got to have used up a lifetime supply of bad luck. The lotto proceeds should more than cover the fine.

They're Heeeeere

Brandon Mowry, a photographer in New York, got a little more than he bargained for while shooting tape in Colonie, N.Y., recently.

He didn't notice the fast-moving object on the tape (still photo at left) until he was watching the video back at his station.

Now, to me, there seem to be two sets of finlike appendages on a long cylinder. What do you think?

It should be noted that the Federal Aviation Administration stated it had picked nothing up on radar that could match what Mowry caught on tape.

At right is a picture of a Tomahawk cruise missile. It DOES have the double fins, but there does seem to be a significant size differential between the midbody fins and the rear ones. The video still picture seems to show a craft with four more or less identical fins.

It's not exactly your big, glowing saucer ... but I also don't believe for a moment it's a weather balloon or trick of light.

Welcome To Their Nightmare

Larry and Stephanie Gray, of South Bend, Ind., have to find a new place to live. They allege that their landlord, Thomas Zakrowski, is evicting them because they practice Wicca. They claim that he began eviction proceedings after finding out that they were witches.

Zakrowski denied bias, but he did say neighbors have been disturbed by outdoor rituals performed by the Grays and other Wiccans. Zakrowski's attorney argued successfully that the property is not zoned for public worship.

Hmm. Zoned for public worship? Someone want to explain that one to me? Somehow, I don't see how the zoning board overrules the Constitution and its guarantee of freedom of religion. But, then, I'm not a lawyer.

Trick Or YIPES!

And, finally, the gold medal in our Weird Chronicles costume contest has to go to the student at Marana High School in Marana, Ariz., who decided to go to school dressed as a gunman.

He wore a mask, brandished fake explosives and had about 50 students frozen stiff with fear in the school cafeteria.

Our hero spent Halloween night in jail and is facing felony charges.

Here's some costume ideas for next year, kids: Desperate Loner, Alienated Newcomer, Really Quiet Kid Who Wears Trench Coats A Lot, and Goth Headcase With Access To Firearms. Start putting those outfits together now!

Urban Legend Of The Week

OK, I'm getting a little tired of repeating myself on this one: Oliver North did NOT warn the U.S. Congress about Osama bin Laden. He did not, in testimony, refer to his family being threatened by bin Laden. In fact, he never mentioned ol' shaggybeard at all.

Back in Ollie's time of prominence, the big bad guy was Abu Nidal, who was at least as virulent a threat in his time.

North himself has stated that he wishes he had the gift of prophecy, but he never had any inkling that bin Laden and his cronies were planning an attack.

Find more on this and zillions of other Urban Legends at the About.com Urban Legends site, run by my genetic twin David Emery.

So, how's things in your neck of the woods? I always look forward to hearing from all of you. Feel free to drop me a line anytime!