Before we get into this week's business, let me say that I was truly amazed at the response to the chemtrails article from two weeks back. Rest assured that I'm not done with that topic yet. I'm doing more research and will have something in the next few weeks.

Another topic of interest in the community unkindly called the "fringe" by those whose idea of fun is getting a haircut is Planet X, or Nibiru. While I haven't yet had time to explore it fully, I've got a list of sources together and will let you all know what I find!

In the meantime, this week we've got a sackful of folks whose brains may be orbiting Planet X, or at least cruising by it.

PETA Fun, Part I

After the rampaging nonsuccess of their "Got Beer?" campaign, which succeeded in ticking off one of their last bastions of support, America's college campuses, those tactmasters at PETA have turned their gimlet gaze upon the state of Florida and its dairy farms.

The new campaign, "Got Pus?" is designed to point out that Florida allows more pus cells per gallon of milk than any other state in the nation. They claim that the abusive way dairy cows are treated leads to a condition that causes non-yummy contamination of milk products.

This is the sort of backward thinking for which these fun folks are known. Everything that could possibly be found in milk is regulated as to quantity. It has to be, or some enterprising fellow would be marketing Uncle Buzzy's Milk-Like Drink (with added pus and pesticides!)

The fact that a contaminant is regulated does NOT guarantee its presence. That would be akin to saying that because your state regulates a driver's blood-alcohol level, every driver on the road has some hooch in his or her system.

Yes, I know they all sometimes drive that way, but it's just not true.

PETA Fun, Part II

In another front of their assualt on the "factory farms" that have made food so affordable across the country, our well-reasoned pals have condemned chicken farms as being inhumane. Apparently, keeping egg-laying hens in cages is mean.

I guess we'll see PETA squads storming poultry barns and ripping open all the chicken cages, whereupon the occupants of the cages, in a show of gratitude, will continue eating, pooping and producing eggs as if the cages were still sealed.

The only question is whether the chickens or the would-be liberators have larger brains.

Revolving-Door Justice

According to police in Scranton, Pa., a man accused of theft chose a less-than-bright way of trying to pay for the rehab program to which he was sentenced.

Realizing that he couldn't come up with the $685 to pay for the program, and not wanting to go to jail, the unnamed defendant allegedly pirated a court reporter's laptop computer and tried to pawn it. Unfortunately, he'd neglected to pilfer the power cord for the computer. He returned to the courthouse to fetch the cord, and was apprehended after a stenographer spotted him with the wire dangling from his pocket.

He then ended up in front of the same judge who'd let him off with rehab. Now, he's going to prison.

If he can bargain for community service, he could get a job writing policy statements for PETA. It sounds like he'd fit right in.

Hot New Toy

Alert reader Steve Luccioni sent in this week's final bit of news, concerning a toylike item that may not be a hit with kids, but dad's sure to want one: a dungeon-dressed "Barbie" doll.

A British dollmaker designed the partially nude doll, complete with helmet and rubber bondage dress, and won when Mattel, maker of Barbie, sued to get him to stop.

The judge, citing an advertisement describing the doll as wearing "lederhosen-style Bavarian bondage dress and helmet in rubber with PVC-mask," wrote in her Nov. 1 ruling that the doll is "quite different from that typically appearing on Mattel's products for children."

I think Mattel's taking the wrong tack, here. Heck, they could be missing a whole new market! Just imagine how much dough they could pull in from the sicko community with a little creative costuming!

Urban Legend Of The Week

With the holiday season upon us, an oldie but goodie has once again reared its ugly head, based upon my e-mail over the last two weeks: the poisoned perfume sample.

Last time around, it was strangers approaching people in mall parking lots, offering perfume samples. This time, no doubt playing on the post-Sept. 11 anthrax fears, it's supposedly poisoned samples arriving by mail.

Naturally, there's not a single provable case of anyone actually receiving any poisoned perfume. It's all "friend of a friend" third- and fourth-hand accounts, most circulated by e-mail.

For more information on this and gazillions of other Urban Legends, check out the About.com Urban Legends page, run by my close personal friend and longtime mentor, David Emery.

That's all for this week. Got a topic you'd like to see thrown under the searing gaze of the Chronicles? Anything odd going on in your world? Drop me a line.